Longing for You
by Winter Celchu
Summary: Winter's thoughts during Krytos trap.


**Summary: **Missing scenes from Wedge's gamble. Time frame is my own making on their separation. If anyone knows better I'd appreciate the knowledge.

**Longing for You.**

She was being reassigned to Tycho. The three years in which they had spent apart seemed like lifetimes. She would finally see him again and feel his heart beat for her as he held her, experience the love and affection her mind could never forget.

She was actually being reassigned to Coruscant but he would be there and it would have the same outcome; Winter would find a way to steal some time with her former lover.

She could only hope that he would forgive her for not contacting him sooner. He had been through so much and he would likely never know how much it had affected her to have to leave him to deal with it on his own. She had chosen to follow orders when she really should have been telling Airen Cracken where to stick his orders. She still felt guilt and regret when she thought of how she should have comforted him and had only failed him when he had needed her most.

She had always believed him to be innocent of the spying charges that were almost brought up on him and hoped he believed that she believed it of him too. Maybe then he would understand that she had never truly given up on him or stopped loving him, actions withstanding.

Dreaded to think that he had thought their relationship over for it would have led to him moving on and although she could not have begrudged him for it, she truly wished it was not so as her heart would simply break again.

She was still incapable of defying herself and the promises she had made upon the destruction of her world, even before that probably before she had even met Bria Tharen, a woman whom had made the same mistakes she had with her life, she had not disobeyed orders though it meant Tycho had to suffer for it.

Yet, now she was willing to bend them into other shapes if it means seeing her beloved and finally spending some time with him.

She found herself unable to stop defending him to his squadron mates. One man in particular Corran Horn, a former Corsec agent, simply would not accept her Tycho's innocence and so she strove to correct his misinterpretations. He didn't seem to understand that Tycho's restraints were bound to be as much self imposed as they were militarily so.

Winter couldn't believe how much emotion she had exposed upon seeing him for the first time in so many years. Had been unable to contact him and give him any warning that she would arrive at his doorstep. Wedge Antilles had helped her sneak into the complex in which Tycho was staying having chosen to keep his best friend in the dark about her intentions or even that she was near.

She had knocked on the door and given the safe word that Wedge had given her upon leaving, talked only to have a blaster pointed at her head the second the door opened. Not once did she truly feel fear that he would hurt her so she turned in his arms and just looked at him. Drank in the sight of her former lover and best friend with greed tantamount to being given water after a night in the Tatooine dunes without any.

Standing and watching until the comprehension dawned on his face and his hand dropped the blaster whilst he dragged her into his arms as if to verify that she was really there. He then roughly pulled himself back and looked at her in the same way she had only seconds before. Not a word was spoken she didn't think either of them had been capable of it at that moment.

Winter had been so afraid he would not want to see her feeling immense emotion, as he only seemed to want to embrace her the way she wanted to with him.

Emotion spilling over with her tears she looked into his eyes and took his hands, speaking softly with tears choking her words she said, "Tycho, love I am so very sorry." Unable to say any more yet needing to talk to him and tell him everything she had felt, still felt. Wanting to voice the apologies she had not given him over the time they had been apart, only to have him wipe her tears away and hold her while she cried, standing stoically yet misty eyed he soothed her, "Shhh, you're here now. Oh how I have missed you."

"I'm sorry; I'm sorry." She chanted against his chest.

Eventually her tears stopped and her shaking subsided. She knew she had to look frightful but not wanting to hold anything back from him she turned around in his arms and let him see her. Doubts clouded her mind, as she was not someone who had the ability to cry prettily.

"No love, you're beautiful. Always beautiful to me. Please don't cry, I can't stand it when you cry?" Answering her unspoken thoughts and letting her see him too.

Allowing herself to succumb to him she raised her mouth to his in a short sweet kiss, a kiss that conveyed all her love for him. Flinching when he pulled away she dreaded to hear the words she was sure were to be spoken. He had found someone else. She was surprised when he pulled her to him roughly and kissed her hard and seep. He was almost punishing in his contact, which had feral feel to it that spoke of a long while without physical contact or love. She returned his intensity with gentle caresses grateful that he had not taken the route she had dreaded. She gave him what he needed whilst still conveying the loneliness she had felt without him; only him.

Winter knew they needed to talk yet needed him equally hard. She broke the kiss and held his face in her hands breathing heavily, letting him know she needed him too. He would not make the first move until he was sure of her so she brought his face back down to hers and kissed him with the passion that had flared in her heart.

Feeling only the sensations he produced in her. She barely noticed when he lifted her and carried her to his door stopping only to open it but failing upon trying to

Open it. Placing her hand over his she still his movements and twined their fingers together whispering, "Here, now."

"No." He answered her between kisses. "We deserve this but better. Always better." Taking their hands and finally managing to open the door together. Gently he lowered her to the bed and all thoughts ceased in the hours that followed all except for their mutual love and emotion.

Waking In his arms the next morning she felt a deep happiness that had been missing in her life in the time they had spent apart. She knew this had not made things right between them and dreaded that conversation that was to come. Not now though as she leaned down and kissed him. It was time for her to go and she didn't want him to wake only to hear her tell him that she didn't know when she would be back. His eyes opened though and the words were spoken in answer to his questioning glance. "I know Tycho. We will talk we must, I'll find the time. This time I will make time please believe me."

He smiled at her and she saw his unspoken agreement seeing that his emotions were still too raw to talk.

He had to do something now that he knew he would only regret. He had never really stopped loving her and now it was his turn to deceive her and stomp on her heart. She didn't see any of this as she had turned away to dress. She turned back now and watched her lover. Her Alderaainan. She kissed him one last time and left.

Smiling as her for had now turned into hope; she had not broken their relationship totally. She allowed herself to feel the emotions she had suppressed over the years she knew he would forgive her and loved him all the more for it.

This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be real Tycho was not dead. They were wrong, not a full week ago she had held him in her arms for the night. They were mistaken they simply had to be.

Numb, disbelieving even in the face of his best friend. Then she looked into Wedge's eyes and saw the despair reflected there. The guilt in his eyes resonated through her heart. The numbness she had been feeling gave way to a blinding pain. She heard a low keening scream coming from somewhere and registered that it was hers later.

Pulling herself together enough to stagger to the bathroom and lose the little contents she had left in her stomach. Heaving in deep breathes she felt her heart shred and with the pain could only think it was literal. She had just found him again and now she had lost him.

Winter had found the courage to fight for her life, her life with Tycho. Her entire adult life had been dominated by following orders. He had given her the strength to find Winter within the Leia whom she had emulated so strongly.

Finally dry heaves abating she sank to the bathroom floor and cried. Great wracking sobs that ripped through her body and soul; tears that brought Wedge into the room. She allowed him to hold her, as she wept never seeing the guilt stamped on his face nor the pain he felt at seeing the military intelligence ice queen breakdown completely, his friend had broken down over the man they both loved.

Regretting what he had needed to do he held his silence just as he rocked her in his arms. This was for the greater good… He steeled himself to telling the rest of the rogue's and company that their CO and friend was gone.

Leaving the broken woman on the floor was not something he could do so he carried her to the bed, saw her tears start again and left, unable to watch anymore.

Waves of pain swept through her as she thought of the man who had meant so much to her. Tycho Celchu was a true hero whom she knew would be classed a traitor in death. And so she cried, tears for her loss, his loss, and their loss and for a man who had risen above every obstacle fighting with all he had heedless of the cost to himself.

The holo beeped and she ignored it unable to even care about what her superiors may want now. Didn't want to face even Leia. The former who would chastise her for her show of emotion and the latter who would try to comfort her. Comfort she didn't wish to succumb to at this point for it was a luxury she had previously denied him.

The next morning did not see her stop crying and yet Iella Wessiri had been sent to her with the orders she would have received had she answered the many summonses she had been receiving over the course of the night.

She had failed him but would not forsake the men and women he cared about now. Had cared about.

They had both given their all to see the New Republic succeed; she owed it to him to finish the mission though it had torn them apart again.

She did what she had always done in this position and turned off her emotions and showed them stone. The hardened Intel agent whom felt nothing and held untold capabilities inside her.

She watched impassively as Corran Horn tried to discredit him and saw the absolute shock and pain that the death and subsequent revelations surrounding Tycho's death had produced.

5

Later that day she was privy to another shock. She opened her door to find Wedge in tow with someone else, someone with his or her body completely covered.

Surprised and suspicious she did not wish to grant Wedge the favour of which he asked. She was still grieving and thought of her self then looking at Wedge reluctantly acquiesced on the condition that she saw who it was first. Wedge countered this with a request of his own; she was to not see him until after Wedge was completely gone and that she had to keep an open mind.

Both the requests set her on edge when she watched the man whose gait was something she knew she should recognise. Keeping his eyes covered and voice silent her guest waited until Wedge sped away before facing her. Only then did either man or woman honour their promises, she walked towards the lounge and after sweeping the room for bugs she was greeted by a ghost.

"What… No… Oh force!" Came her voice at last gazing up at Tycho's face. "You're dead. Oh great force you're dead!"

"Winter." He replied face filled with pain and regret. "I'm so sorry my love but for everyone else to believe it you had to too. Your reaction to my death had to be real. I'm sorry love I truly didn't want to cause you any pain."

Still weary she finally allowed her self to believe what she was seeing and hearing. Though she felt betrayal she also felt love and relief and anger, an emotion she could not claim to have felt often.

Breaking her frozen stance she rushed too him, felt his arms catch her and hold her tight. She turned her mouth up to his in a kiss that was just as punishing as the one he had once bestowed upon her although this time their roles had reversed. This time it was Tycho soothing her harshness with light kisses meant to comfort and renew a sense of life. His caresses promised love and held remorse that she had to believe.

It was her that led him to bed that night holding off the talk that was long overdue in order to celebrate the affirmation of life. Yet all was bared that night all the words unspoken but understood morning too far away. Feelings they had both agonised over coming to the fore, all that was left was goodness as she held him, his arms showing her that they had made it. Against all the odds they would come through it stronger together, always together.

Their happiness marred when she had to watch Corran Horn continued suspicions get the better of Tycho, bring him down. Tears of joy from all his friends renewed her faith in his friendships at their reunion. The tears torn from many macho men and woman showed a great love and respect for her lover.

Only optimism remained about their future relationship, they would take back Coruscant and all would see his innocence. She watched all the men and woman marvel at his acceptance of her shutting down all emotion in order to complete the mission.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Fear arose in the face of the odds they faced; only at night in his arms did she feel the peace that they needed to see them through. Neither Winter nor Tycho were willing to voice the possibility that they might not make it through it alive.

A supernova of emotions built and later exploded along with their success at securing Coruscant for the New Republic. All dignity forgotten she laughed, cried and screamed with joy, stopping only to kiss Tycho with all she had left.

Their celebrations only weighed down with the death of Corran and muted with remembrance for the lives lost for this mission to be possible.

55

They were getting ready for the celebrations when it happened! The door opened to admit Airen Cracken with some military police personnel. Everything in her mind blurred when she heard him recite that Tycho was under arrest for treason.

Winter tried to reason with her superior, resorting to pleading when he didn't even react to it. She did not and would not believe their allegations. She couldn't see how they could not see that they were wrong. Breaking apart inside when she watched them place him in stun cuffs, her love stood stoically through the entire process with no anger or accusations of his own. He turned from the police and kissed her goodbye whispering only, "Hush Winter, don't worry so. It will be all right you'll see. I love you!"

They did not let her answer so there she stood, stood and watched. The tears came then as she felt her future torn away from her, an innocent man being re accused for a crime of this nature after he heroically surmounted an assault on Coruscant with the others was almost laughable.

A crime his very nature would never allow him to commit but she knew the system inside out, He would be a pariah, they would make an example of him. They had to, weakness would not gain them power and following. His innocence may not be enough.

Cursing and crying in a passionate vigour she thought only of him. Calming enough to call Leia. In an uncharacteristic temper tantrum she asked her dearest friend for something she would ask for any other reason. He influence and assistance.

She hoped it was not too late; once again they would make her break. Her government that she served faithfully would break her and make her anew. She would let it happen only if she would not lose him. Refused to lose him and her self ever again.


End file.
